


Beauty is Pain(One-shot)

by PixieGreaseMonkey94



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Hurt!Sam, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teenage Winchesters, hurt!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 15:22:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14917863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixieGreaseMonkey94/pseuds/PixieGreaseMonkey94
Summary: ****WARNING: SUICIDAL THEMES****The first time Sam did it, he just wanted to escape. He never knew it would end like this...





	Beauty is Pain(One-shot)

The first time he did it, he wanted to end it all. He wanted out of the life, hunting just wasnt for him. 

The cold knife pressed against his forearm. Sam watched as the blood slid down his arm and into the empty bathttub. Sam knew it would hurt to die, but he didn’t realize how long it would take to bleed out. The seconds seemed like minutes, but he could be patient. He didnt come this far to back out. Winchesters don’t quit. This thought brought a weak chuckle from Sam’s lips. Quitting was exactly what he was doing. The clearing of a throat caused Sam to sit up straight and pull the knife up to defend himself. He knew he locked the door. Before him stood the most beautiful being, he’d ever lain eyes on.

“Who are you?!” His voice wavered as he gave the being a once over.

“Who I am is none of your concern. However, It is not yet your time to go.” The person walked to him and touched the wound on his arm, sealing it shut. “Physical wounds are the only ones I can heal. May your heart be at ease, child.” A small kiss to his forehead and the being was gone in the blink of an eye. SAm sat blinking for a few moments before pulling his long lanky teenage body out of the tub.

Sam found himself in motel bathrooms, repeating the same instance, not out of a needdd to escape the life his dad had thrust him into, but out of curiosity. Who was the being? What kind of being was it?

Twenty times he tried, each time the being gave the same response. Finally he’d learned it was a grim reaper. To Sam, the being looked anything but grim. Bright, Kind, Gentle. Those were words he would use.

Sam gathered his things as if he was taking a shower, his normal routine when they checked into a motel. His knife tucked into the fresh(ish) shirt in his hand. As He turned to the bathroom, Dean’s large warm hand landed on his shoulder. Sam turned to look at him as Dean grabbed his wrist gently, turning his arm over. Dad was out hunting, said he would be back before dawn. Plenty of time to see his reaper.

Sam winced as Dean barely ran a thumb over an older wound, still a bit tender.

“Sammy?” His voice was a whisper and there were tears starting to form. “Why?”

“Dean, come on. You know I’ve been-” Dean cut him off with a sniff, looking down at Sam.

“Don’t give me that bullshit story you give dad, Sam. I know you’re not summoning demons and killing them.” Dean had dropped his arm and was staring at him for an answer, tears starting to fall. “What is it that i couldn’t protect you from? Where did I fail you, Sammy?” Sam’s heart shattered into a tiny thousand pieces. Where was his voice, damnit?! “At least cut on your thighs so dad doesn’t see.” Sam stared, baffled by his brother.

“Wh..What?” Dean pushed up the sleeve of his flannel and turned his arm over for sam to see the tiny white scars that littered his wrist and forearm. “Dean?” Sam looked up at him in bewilderment.

“This life isnt easy, I get it. Living with dad, isnt easy. Sometimes you become numb to everything and you just want to feel. But Sammy, Life...it’s worth it. It sucks and there are days you can’t get out of bed because you don't know what the point is. But trust me, when you find something you love more than anything, you’ll find yourself waiting to start that new day, waiting to go out and find it. Find a reason you have to get up in the morning, something that you absolutely have to do. That if you don't do it, who else is going to? That’s how i made it.” Sam teared up and pulled Dean in for a hug.

“Dean, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just wanted to see the reaper again.” Dean breathed heavily, hugging Sam to him.

“The reaper?” Sam nodded

“I think I might be in love with it. But it wont tell me its name no matter how many times I see it. I’ve begged, Refused for it to heal me-” Dean cut him off again.

“Heal? Sammy, Reapers don’t heal.” He pulled Sam away from his body to look down at him. “You’re sure it’s a reaper?” A small shrug was all Sam could manage. 

“I didn’t do much research, honestly. I was too excited to think that id met one.” Dean smiled weakly and pulled sam to the table.

“Tell me about this being.”

An hour later, Dean sat staring at Sam.

“An angel? Are you sure, Dean?” A nod was thrown in his direction.

“Has to be. What else could do this to you, Sammy?” Sam gave a sigh as he scrubbed a hand over his face.

“I’m going to shower.” Sam stood, taking his clothes, and knife, with him to the bathroom.

He turned the water and began to undress. As he did, the knife caught his eye again. Sam picked it up and twirled it in his hand. He stepped, naked, into the shower, letting the warm water wash over his slight frame. There was only one way to know for sure. Sam took the knife and plunged it into his thigh, immediately letting out a yell. The blood streamed down his thigh and down the drain. Suddenly the being appeared before him, panic written into its beautiful features.

“Winchester! What are you doing?!” The being’s eyes were wide and shifting back and forth between Sam’s wound and his face. It reached for the knife, only to have Sam swat its hand away.

“Tell me what you are!” The being’s head shook. “If you can’t tell me then just let me die!” Sam pushed against the being , causing himself to fall and hit his head, sending him into a black out.

When Sam came to, he was laying on his bed, knife across the room, and no wound on his leg. He was also in his PJ’s. But the being was right by his side. He felt safe. But where was Dean?

“He’s outside the door. You and your brother are correct. I’m an angel, Samuel.” Sam blinked, his mind processing the information. “I’ve been keeping an eye on you for a long time. You’re special. You’ve got a big destiny. And I couldn’t let you throw that away.”

“What should I call you? Don’t you have a name?” A smile stretched across it’s face.

“You can call me Gabriel.”


End file.
